Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Who is this woman inside my head?

This morning I fumbled groggily downstairs at 6:30 a.m. to wake up my older kids, just like I do every weekday.  (Even my big 'uns are still pretty little.)  And, like many other days, I had to creep past various other younger children who I didn't want to awaken; children who, for the love of my much-needed-beauty-rest, don't stay in their own beds at night. They wind up in my bed, or on my floor, or other inconvenient places, come morning.  Well, at least the places are inconvenient if the children don't want to be awakened at 6:30 a.m. 

Actually, as any parent knows, the problem is they'd be more than happy to be awakened at that time. They wouldn't stumble groggily down the stairs like me.  They'd race gleefully.  And I'd be ticked as hell that I had to endure their joyous exuberance at a time of day when any sane person should either be A) sleeping or B) wearing sackcloth and ashes because they are not sleeping.

Anyway, this morning, I had to sneak out of my bedroom so stealthily that I didn't get to find my slippers.  Or my robe.  Or anything comfy or warm or cozy.  So I'm dressed in nothing but my nightie, goosebumps, and leg hair, which is a sight to behold.  In fact, I bear a striking resemblance to Godzilla.  Wait.  Does Godzilla have hair?  Fine, then.  Wolf man, or....something....hairy and not good.  Anyway....we'll call me Wolf-zilla.

Just when I thought I was going to have to freeze my hairy legs off all morning, the fates turned for Wolf-zilla.  I remembered a load of clean laundry in the dryer.  As luck had it, there was both a top and bottom in there for me.  Amazing!  But it gets better.  Coming into my son's room, I spied one of my old slippers.  (He likes to play with them.  Don't ask.  The boy's got a thing for footwear.) 

I actually thought to myself, "Well, one slipper is better than nothing."  My comfort threshold as a Mom has dropped so low, that I figured I'd reached my zenith with a warm pair of sweatpants, a hoodie and one slipper.  Who could ask for more?  Right?  I wiggled my foot into it.  I'm pretty sure I was prepared to wear that one slipper around all morning.  I wasn't really even looking for the other one. 

And then, there it was; The Holy Grail of my morning ensemble!  The other slipper--on the other side of his bed.  Angels were singing along with a background muzak track, and I heard a voice in my head.  Through layers of grogginess, and stupor, the voice was clear.  Unbelievably, it was my pre-coffee self saying,

"Wow.  This is the awesomest start to a great day."

What the???

It only took a minute for me to laugh and ask myself, "Who is this woman inside my head?"  And then it hit me. 

It was the new me. 

The new me, although still not a morning person, isn't dreading each new day that arrives. 

The new me, even with less than six hours of sleep, can still feel optimistic. 

The new me, even when freezing cold at 6:30 a.m., can still be cheerful.

The new me is content and amazed; amazed at an entire morning wardrobe picked from amongst the bedroom floor toys and the laundry room.

I've heard it said that when you combine thankfulness and awe, you get gratitude.  I think that's what the new me is experiencing.  And I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. 

Well, after she gets her first cup of coffee....just in case.  'Cause I'm pretty sure even the new me can still morph back into Wolf-zilla when she's not caffeinated.  I mean, she's still got the leg hair thing going on.


  1. Love this Ruthie! The joy of the Lord truly is our strength! When He pours it into our hearts despite circumstances that are challenging, we discover His Spirit truly is in us who believe. What a gift; Emmanuel,God is with us! You will be amazed at what He does in your life. Remember He REWARDS those who seek Him by faith.Hang in there! Love & prayers,in Jesus, Cynthia

  2. thank you, Cynthia. i was just visiting with another friend who doesn't even really know my situation, yet she shared with me how God has given her peace in the midst of a difficult situation, ever since she "let go and let God." it's really amazing how freeing it is. it's transformational. i'm learning, although i'm stubborn!