Snort Laugh Saturday: Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
and so on.....and so on.....

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
Day number 180
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day number 181
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

Day number 182
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day number 183
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day number 184
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
____________________________________________________

Same environments, different attitudes, right?  Today, I heard Max Lucado read part of this on the radio.  He cracked me up, and reminded me that gratitude is all about attitude.  It's a choice.

Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat Adapted from here.

Snort Laugh Saturday: Breastfeeding Humor

I figured I'd just spell it out in the title.  This post is about breastfeeding, and if that's not your cup of tea, read no further. 

I'm what I like to call an "Avid Breastfeeder" as opposed to a "Militant Breastfeeder."  I'm all about helping women to breastfeed as long as both they and their baby want to: whether it's one month, or several years.  As long as mom and baby are happy, I'm happy.  If breastfeeding isn't working, and formula is, then great! And vice versa.  I just want mothers to feel empowered to make the choice that's right for them.

I have done extended breastfeeding with both of my biological children, and to this day, I wish I'd been able to breastfeed my adopted children.   Breastfeeding has been a wonderful bonding agent for me, a Mom who isn't naturally the "nurturing type."  (For anyone who knows me, they'll admit that's basically a huge understatment.)  I can be strict.  I can be stern.  I can be a disciplinarian.  But nurturing?  It doesn't usually come naturally, and that's why I loved breastfeeding.  It was probably the only area where "nurturing" came easily.  And for that, I thank the good Lord. 

Anyway, I'm linking to an article published in The DC Moms about a woman who was kicked out of a local DMV for breastfeeding.  Yeah.  Ridiculous.  You don't have to be a "Militant Breastfeeder" to be incensed on her behalf.  Anyway, if you want to read the whole story, it's entertaining.  However, what I want to highlight today is the author's final remarks, which, if you've ever been reprimanded yourself for breastfeeding in public, completely ring true, and may also make you laugh out loud:

"Oh, and for anyone who is offended by the sight of a woman breastfeeding? This former nursing mom suggests that you carry a light blanket with you and gently drape it over your head if a breastfeeding mother is nearby."

Touche!

The Right To Breastfeed
by Rebekah at DC Moms

Lastly, here's another funny breastfeeding cartoon.  It's PG-13ish, so I'm just linking to it.

~Ruthie

Snort Laugh Saturday 12/17/11

In a rare utopian moment, my seven year old son and four year old daughter are playing nicely together.  The boy is dressed in a cape and other superhero paraphernalia. 

Four year old: "Wow!  Are you a superhero?"

Seven year old: "Yes!"

Four year old:  "Which one?"

Seven year old:  "I don't know! "

Four year old:  "I know, you're CAPTAIN BRAINSTORM!"

Seven year old: "Do I have to think?"

My commentary:  Wow.  I want to have that superpower.